Destined

I'm really lost right now. I wonder how long I can stand for this anymore. I start to believe this is all destined. No matter how hard I try, nothing's gonna change.

Just about two weeks ago, I started to feel so energetic about my life and my future. For those who know me well, u know this is miracle. I started to plan for my furture. I started to enjoy my life. I started to accept the fact that I'm alone. I started to find jobs, find housing. I started exercising regularly and eating normally. I don't mind meeting new friends anymore. I'm even looking for part time jobs to do during the semester. These are all mircales to me.

Just that everyone and even myself started to think my future is going to be happy and bright, everything changed. Now, I'm going back to the same old me. Hopeless and useless. While this is the prime time to get to know new friends, go to explore the country and find part time jobs, all I can do is stuck in my little room, wait for emails and calls. And they all gave me bad news..

Should I give up? If I want to, how to give up? If I want to fight, how long can I fight? How much time do I still have?

I really wish you were here with me.