Symptom of recovery

There has been no sun shine here in SG since last Saturday. I couldn't go to swim these days since I feel so cold and sometimes it rains. But I managed to make myself for a run tonight.

And yes, it was a run, not a jog for me tonight. I thought I ran for around 40 mins, on a road that goes up and down! Of course I was very slow, but it was a breakthrough to me. I can easily swim for an hour, I can easily play badminton for an hour, but I could never run for even 10 mins.. In fact, I don't even chase a bus!

Why could I manage to do that tonight? I don't know. In fact, I'm surprised for my endurance on keep on exercising these days. When I was running just now, I did think of a reason to explain this.

It's a symptom of my recovery.. though it is 2 years late.

I had 2 'official' relationships before. The first one last for 4+ years, the second one last for 3+ years.

I remembered some time before I broke up with the 1st bf. He brought me to a gym. It was nothing like those Califorina Fitness or Fitness First. It's more like a guy's gym. You can rarely see gals like me there.. all people there were muscular men.. scary.. haha.. And the plan was freakin expensive!! But both of us could afford it coz we were both working at that time and I was still living with my family. We used to go there 2 or 3 times a week together and spent like 3 hours there. We signed up for a 6-mth contract and we broke up before the contract ended.

Maybe I was so used to go out after work but I got nowhere to go by myself right after we broke up, so I went to the gym 3 times a week... doing lots of exercise.. I felt sooooo good when I'm exhausted after 3 hrs of extensive training.

I left my 2nd (i.e. last) bf 2 years and 2 mths ago. (yes, don't think I can remember this.. I just checked my emails to confirm that..) And yes, I chose to leave him, which I always think was the biggest mistake I've ever made. My life since then was in chaos.

2 years after our broke up, I finally find the symptom of recovery.. I start exercising.. I start to be active again. Thank god.. I really thought that my life was going to end like that.

Just now I read through some of the emails between us, I read the one that he replied me when I told him I wanna leave him. He promised he will always be my friend. I guess this is the 2nd promise that he's not going to keep.

He's the person who made me believe in promises, and also the person who made me not believe in promises anymore.

U ask me? There's no such thing as 'promise' in this world.

And how I think of my 2 exs now? well.. 1st ex and I are still good friends and we sometimes go out together when we happen to be at the same country. 2nd ex... I miss him.