When can I start living without you?

I was about to leave all things deep in my heart, lock it and move on..
but somehow things around me keep reminding me of you.
I've gone through out days for thousands and thousands times already.
It has been two years since I made the most stupidest choice in my life -- leaving you.
How many more two years do I have to think about this?
Even my mind is strong enough for this, I don't think my physical health can deal with it anymore.. it's getting worse.. everytime I think about it, my body complaints in its own way..

I still remember how we started..
we started because of my health also..
For no reason, I suddenly stopped eating for a whole week, you came to my house cook for me and forced me to eat..
It was Feb 26, 2002.
You knew that I have very bad memory, I can't remember anniversary, I can't remember which movies we went to.. but you did lots of things to make me remember this date.. and now, I do remember it.

I start eating less and less recently... no matter how hard i force myself..
I even start vomiting..
And I have no one taking care of me anymore..
And I'm very sure that there is no way you will be reading this as well.. cos you don't even know about my previous blog..

then why am I writing here?
cos I have nowhere to talk to you..
and I'm not going to talk to you anymore..

even if you come to me one day.. i won't go back anymore..
cos I don't love you anymore.
but somehow I am seriously hurt, seems I'll never get well..