My magician

My friends may not notice this, but I always have strong preferences on things, people I first met, courses I'm taking.. etc. I always have hard time forcing myself to do things that I don't want to, especially when I have to study something I don't like at all.

This kind of strong preferences reflect on my phsycial health sometimes. Despite exteremly low speed of reading articles and texts related to those subjects I don't like, if I keep on forcing myself to study, I always vomit.

The only way I can solve this problem is to give my brother a call if possible. Let him laugh at me or scold me for awhile, then he will somehow make me relax and laugh again. I never know how he did that but it always works! He's my magician.

Dear brother, I'm in serious trouble now, where are you?

A nice view from my room today

Almost get caught by him when taking these pics.. =P

To Ms Mosquito

Dear Ms Mosquito,

I truly understand and respect the fact that you need my blood for supplemental protein for your development and laying your babies, I also understand that my blood type is the most delicious type amongst all, and I am more than happy to donate my blood when you need it.

However, as you may already knew, I've already fed more than 20 of your fellows in Pulau Ubin just a few days ago and I do need time to recover. Besides, since you are so kind to give me "painkiller" before biting me each time, all the bites now itch me so badly that I couldn't stop scratching them especially when I was unconscious under my sleeping pills. As you can see now, my arms and legs are all scratched and I'm in pain.

Please don't take me wrong, I'm not blaming you. I'm just asking you for a favor. Maybe you and your fellows can give me a break for two weeks or so and give me time to recover? It's also good for you since I don't think you can find any space to bite me at the moment.

One more thing if you don't mind, please come and have my blood when I'm awake. Sleeping is my precious time and I really need good sleep to have healthier blood for you.

Thanks for you time reading this letter.

Yours truly,
headless.

Culture day?

Today I got exposed to quite a numbers of different culture in just one afternoon. The Marketing S.E. Asia's Heritage lecture was held in the NUS Museum. The lecturer and a staff from the museum shown us some art works by local and S.E. Aisan artists, this is the first time I've heard of the Nanyang Style of paintings, quite interesting.

The most interesting thing to me is that I've got to see some Chinese ceramic. When I first saw them, I felt quite weird as they look a bit different to what I've seen before in other places. They are similar, but different in details like the things they draw on the ceramic and even the words they wrote on them. Just when I was wondering, the lecturer suddenly said that he and some other scholars suspects that there were actually some ceramic made only for export purpose and those in the museum today could be part of them. They think that the Chinese might have made different ceramic for export and for local use. But studies still have to be done to proof it. At that moment, all my wonders were gone! I truely think that those we saw today were made for export purpose and they were marketed to the S.E. Asians. You can really tell from the type of flowers and fish and even the chinese charaters they painted on the ceramics.

Although I don't really know what is the relationship between the visit to the museum and our course.. I did enjoy the trip and I will be visiting the museum again soon.

After the visit, my friend in the class asked me to go and watch a film together with other friends. It was a German movie called "Run Lola Run" (original German title Lola rennt). This is my first time watching a German movie. The 76-min movie was all about the 3 different scenrios happened when Lola needs to find 100,000 Deutsche Marks for his boyfriend Manni within 20 mins. All 3 scenrios have different endings and lead you to think about life. Oh, and the German friends we met at the movie are also very friendly.

Went to have burger king for dinner with 2 friends from HK after movie, finally I got to hear someone from my own place telling my about the uni life there! Yes, I know nothing about the life in university in my own place at all!! What a shame!!

Hopefully tomorrow's weather will be fine, coz I wanna go to the Army Open House to do some shooting!

And I really wish I didn't need to submit my essay next Monday, coz my friends are going to Bintan this weekend and I couldn't go with them!! =(

La Vie En Rose

La Vie En Rose - Edith Piaf
Lyrics

My brother Charles

I have some weird behaviours that almost none of my friends can understand. I sometimes tried to explain but I really don't know how to make them understand. All I can say is that those behaviours are caused by my depression, I have limited control to them. When I say limited control, it means that I do try to control them and I'm already doing very good compare to what I was maybe 2 years ago..

There is one person who can always understand my weird behaviours. He is my brother, although he's not my real brother, I really really treat him as a part of my family and I really love him from my heart. I still remembered when first he saw my "behaviours", he didn't fully understand. And in those days, my condition was very bad. But very soon he seems to know exactly how I feel and why I was doing those things. Sometimes I even think that he knows me better than I do.

Even I'm doing good these days, sometimes I still can't help doing those weird things. Usually I will give my brother a call as soon as I can, of course I always try to call him when he's not working. Most of the time, after calling him, I will be able to stop those weird behaviours..

And of course, I also call him to share my happiness and thoughts.... I share everything with him.

But.. dunno why I couldn't find him these days..

And.. today one of my weird behaviours has come out..

He always wants me to be independent.. he always fears that I won't be ok when he's not around.. I guess this time I really have to deal it by myself..

But my dear brother, where are you now? I can deal with my own pain, but I also worry about you, at least let me know you're fine, ok?

What did I do today..

I skipped 2 lectures in the morning. Two economics lectures.
Only managed to get myself to the intercultural communication lecture in the evening.
I've never skipped lectures unless I oversleep, but I didn't oversleep today.
Gosh... gonna do something...

Sweet Sweet Sweet

My friend took this lovely picture. I almost cry when I saw it. Soooo sweet!!

I wish I could get a hug like this!!

Breed determines life

I went to an island called Pulau Ubin with a group of local photographers last Saturdays. On the island, there are quite a number of dogs, almost all of them are local breed. The dogs are very friendly and generally in good health. They can walk around all places in the island freely, including the shops and restaurants. Sometimes visitors feed them with left with left over food. And according to one of my friends, who is a regular visitor to the island, there are people who bring food to feed the dogs everyday.

However, I was a bit shocked when another friend from the group came to me and commented about the dogs. He told me that he has a friend in Hong Kong that brings "this kind of dogs" home as pet, and he was surprised by that. Well, I didn't know how to react to his comment as it is very common to me that local breed can be a pet.. and I don't see any differences between local breed and pure breeds.. they are all dogs to me. They are all lovely!

But after I went to the welcome tea by the NUS Animal Welfare Club last night, I understand why this guy thinks it's weird to bring local breed home. I think it's because local breed dogs are not allowed to be kept in HDB flats (the public housing in Singapore) but other dogs are allowed!

Sometimes policies can really affect people's perception towards things. In this case, some Singaporeans now think that local breeds cannot be a pet and that's why the pet shelter I mentioned yesterday end up with hundreds of dogs and they are mainly local breed.

During the welcome tea last night, when the president was talking about the voluntary work in the pet shelter, a girl raised a question: "Is there any Golden Retriever?"

Again.. she's only concerned about pure breed.

I can understand why people love pure breeds more, they are indeed more attractive in their outlook. But local breed is far more easy to take care of and they have less behaviourial problems. They are more cute in their hearts.

I guess since I'm an ugly girl, I tend to protect the no-so-attractive animals. But to me, they are all beautiful.

By the way, you can check out the photos I took from Pulau Ubin here from my album.

"Misfortunes never come singly"

This is happening to me again!! Why??
Whenever I'm in trouble with my relationships, someone will come to me with his/her problem and ask me for advice... and those "problems" are something that you will never want to help..

I don't usually tell others when I have problems, especially problems related to relationships. The only people that I'd talk to are my brother (who is a friend of mine but not my real brother) and my sister (who is my real sister). I didn't use to talk to my sister until very recently. She's a very nice person to talk to. One other person I'd share my problems with is my very best friend in Hong Kong, but she's not someone I will contact for emergercy help. We usually contact each other once or twice a year, but yet she is my best friend in my life now and she will always be.

Since I don't tell people that I'm in trouble or I'm feeling sad.. they don't know about it and they just come to me with their own problems. Funny thing is they only come when I'm in a very bad mood, and they always come with a wrong kind of problem.. let me give u some examples.

Last year, I had time that I was in serious depression because I finally had to accept the fact that I've to seperate with my ex, although that was already one year after our break up. Suddenly a girl talked to me, she said she's so worried that she's not going to have any marriage in her life. She's worrying about not able to get any bf. Then she asked me how to choose among the several guys who were approaching her at that time! She told me about how much those guys' earning, she told me about the plans of different guys for marriage... etc.. and her problem was: don't know whom she should choose. Those days I cried when I was alone thinking of my ex and I had to share her "worries" almost every night after she went dating with different guys!

Recently, I'm also in a little trouble with my relationships. I'm coping well so far as I'm seriously planning for a single life actually. But I'm still sad. And here comes the same girl again! She didn't talk about her "problems" for quite awhile already since she is quite stable with one of the guys now. But today.. she suddenly told me that she met a new guy and asked me if she should give him her phone number..

....

Again.. a rich guy.. and now she has already got a bf.. and wonder if she should give herself more chances before getting married.

....

well..

what should I say?

Honestly, I don't mind discussing these things when my mood is ok.. but why do these always come to me when I am in my own trouble and when I feel so lonely?

sigh..

but I'm fine. Lucky that I've made myself quite clear about what I should do in my life these few days.. and I'm not in pain now.

maybe I've to mentally train up myself some more for these kind of "challenges" in my life.. I know they will come more often as I become older..

this world is still not so opened-minded yet to fully accept single woman..

I'll work hard.

sorry that this post is a bit messy as I'm already very tired now..