A visitor to my room tonight

Cleaning day

I spent an hour cleaning up my room,
then another 1.5 hours cleaning my Canon EOS 350D..
doing my laundry now..

feel so good...

When can I start living without you?

I was about to leave all things deep in my heart, lock it and move on..
but somehow things around me keep reminding me of you.
I've gone through out days for thousands and thousands times already.
It has been two years since I made the most stupidest choice in my life -- leaving you.
How many more two years do I have to think about this?
Even my mind is strong enough for this, I don't think my physical health can deal with it anymore.. it's getting worse.. everytime I think about it, my body complaints in its own way..

I still remember how we started..
we started because of my health also..
For no reason, I suddenly stopped eating for a whole week, you came to my house cook for me and forced me to eat..
It was Feb 26, 2002.
You knew that I have very bad memory, I can't remember anniversary, I can't remember which movies we went to.. but you did lots of things to make me remember this date.. and now, I do remember it.

I start eating less and less recently... no matter how hard i force myself..
I even start vomiting..
And I have no one taking care of me anymore..
And I'm very sure that there is no way you will be reading this as well.. cos you don't even know about my previous blog..

then why am I writing here?
cos I have nowhere to talk to you..
and I'm not going to talk to you anymore..

even if you come to me one day.. i won't go back anymore..
cos I don't love you anymore.
but somehow I am seriously hurt, seems I'll never get well..

Dream comes true

I talked about Butterfly Lovers Concerto the other day, that post made my dream comes true.

I have been dreaming of having a friend who knows how to play erhu for so many years. I have been asking all of the people I knew and none of them know.. actually they don't even play any Chinese instruments..

Surprisingly, a friend of mine here in Singapore read my post.. and he told me that he knows how to play erhu!! I can never imagine he will be the one I've been looking for!! This is such a big surprise to me and.. i really cannot describe how I feel when he told me about this. Although he didn't say that he's going to play for me.. I already feel very happy.. it's a dream come true!! :)
Yeah! I got a friend who play erhu!! and he has played for 12 years!! even longer than my piano life!! This friend is so amazing.. I kept discovering surprises from him! I really wish we had more time :)

More about the Butterfly Lovers.. I remember when I was working in the Arts Library in HK. There was a little section called Audio Visual Library. There is always the best job to do to be on duty there because you will be alone there and you can play all the CDs in the library!! And I always play this Butterfly Lovers (of course by erhu) everytime when I was there. Sometimes readers came to the counter and found me with tears... hahaa...
That was my greatest time in life.... I really missed the time working there until we had to merge with the new HK Central Library... :(

What do we afraid of?

I didn't want to stay at home today thinking about my exchange problems, so I decided to go Vivo City for shopping.

Two things happened during my little trip...

On my way from the hall to the bus stop, I had to walk pass a path with trees on both sides. I met a monkey on the way. It was a big monkey and it's quite nice. I said hi to it and walked pass it. Not far away, I found a security guard spying on the monkey. He was talking on the phone constantly "reporting" the move of the monkey. The security guard was so scared of the monkey that he stayed quite far away from it.
Can someone tell me how I can get a job when I get paid while following a little monkey??

Another thing happened when I was reading books in PageOne. hehe.. yes.. usually I read lots of books there and end up buying one or two of them. Suddenly there was a fire alarm.. and guess what? NOBODY ran. and of course, I didn't run away either. Everyone kept reading their books, even the staff also didn't react to it at all!!
ok.. then what's the point of having a fire alarm? Did we make the fire alarm to ALERT us about dangerous? Why ain't anybody responding to it??
luckily it was a false alarm.

So here we go.. we manufacturated something to alert us of dangerous, but we never use it.. and never afraid of it.. on the other hand.. we are sooooo afraid of the nature.. just a little monkey??

What's wrong with this world??
tell me.

Tonight I Wanna Cry - Keith Urban

This is a nice song.
But for some reasons,
I HATE it!
really really HATE it!!
Damn it!



Tonight I Wanna Cry - Keith Urban

Alone in this house again tonight
I got the TV on, the sound turned down and a bottle of wine
There's pictures of you and I on the walls around me
The way that it was and could have been surrounds me
I'll never get over you walkin' away

I've never been the kind to ever let my feelings show
And I thought that bein' strong meant never losin' your self-control
But I'm just drunk enough to let go of my pain
To hell with my pride, let it fall like rain
From my eyes
Tonight I wanna cry

Would it help if I turned a sad song on
'All By Myself' would sure hit me hard now that you're gone
Or maybe unfold some old yellow lost love letters
It's gonna hurt bad before it gets better
But I'll never get over you by hidin' this way

I've never been the kind to ever let my feelings show
And I thought that bein' strong meant never losin' your self-control
But I'm just drunk enough to let go of my pain
To hell with my pride, let it fall like rain
From my eyes
Tonight I wanna cry

I've never been the kind to ever let my feelings show
And I thought that bein' strong meant never losin' your self-control
But I'm just drunk enough to let go of my pain
To hell with my pride, let it fall like rain
From my eyes
Tonight I wanna cry

Positive vs Negative

Positive

Negative

Photos taken by SonyErisson w880i at bus stop opposite NUS Central Library

Are you rock, paper, or scissors?

You Are Scissors

Sharp and brilliant, you can solve almost any problem with that big brain of yours. People fear your cutting comments - and your wit is famous for being both funny and cruel. Deep down, you tend to be in the middle of an emotional storm. Your own complexity disturbs you. You are too smart for your own good. Slow down a little - or you're likely to hurt yourself. You can cut a paper person down to pieces. The only person who can ruin you is a rock person. When you fight: You find your enemy's weak point and exploit it. If someone makes you mad: You'll do everything you can to destroy their life

Are You Rock, Paper, or Scissors?

Butterfly Lovers

I love this piece of music.
I wish that it could be played in my funeral.
Don't ask me why, I just love this.

I've played this with my piano before,
and I've also listened to many other piano players playing this music..
but.. I wanna say,
Butterfly Lovers is meant to be played by stringed instruments..
The best is Erhu... but I can't find any clips on that..
so I picked the second best... Violin Concerto..

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