Looking forward to..

"Looking forward to something"...
This might be a very usual feeling of yours.
But definitely not me.

For people who suffer from depression,
we don't have this concept of "looking forward to xxx"
as in our mind, the future is darkness.
Sometimes it's already good enough that we actually made ourselves to stay alive today.
I guess most of you would not understand what I mean.

But this "weird" feeling is in my mind right now.
Yes, I'm looking forward to something right now.

I'm looking forward to seeing my lovely cats again next month.
I'm looking forward to welcoming my friends' new baby to this world.
I'm looking forward to solving my family problems.
And I'm looking forward to moving to my dream place, doing what I want to do.

I remember my ex-bf always forced me to make wishes on my birthdays, on new years...etc
He was so right that I never had wishes before, because I always feel hopeless.
Finally I'm changed. I think he will be happy for me.

I won't guarantee that I can keep this bright feeling for long,
but at least I feel it now, which I never ever felt before.

And that's why I'm writing this down.